What One Does After the Steamroller Strikes

Monday, 7PM: Fall asleep on couch.


Midnight (or thereabouts): Register return of incredibly handsome husband. Remain pre-verbal. Move to bed.


Tuesday, 7:30AM: Wake up.

Return to couch. Endeavor not to wake incredibly handsome husband.

Open laptop. Check headlines online. Close laptop.

Knit four rows of scarf.

Walk to kitchen. Make bowl of cereal.

Return to couch. Eat cereal.

Hear incredibly handsome husband stir.

See incredibly handsome husband bury face under pillow.

Wait for incredibly handsome husband to exit bed.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Walk to dresser. Don lymphedema sleeve. Grab hand weight and elastic exercise band. Attempt physical-therapy exercises.

Sustain crippling cramp.

Double over in pain.

Swear.

Remove hand weight and lymphedema sleeve.

Swear louder.

Allow incredibly handsome husband to massage cramp.


9:30AM: Return to couch to wait out cramp.

Fall asleep.


3PM: Wake up.

Blink.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.


If you're counting, that's 18 hours of sleep (out of a possible 20).