Muted Celebrations
I turned in my master's project today. It's the J-school equivalent of a thesis, and I'd been working on it for six months. Six very long months. There were many, many times when I thought I'd never finish it, so this is a significant triumph.
Still, handing it in turned out to be almost completely anticlimactic. I was expecting a surge of victory or a wave of relief or some other kind of onrushing emotion, but none of that happened. No jubilation, nothing.
Perhaps that big release is absent because the master's project is a major milestone on the path to graduation—something that is no longer quite within sight. The achievement is no less real, but to have the gratification deferred—again—robs it of some of its immediate meaning.
I'm proud of the 9,000-word piece, and my adviser is optimistic that I'll be able to publish it once I do a little more work (mainly a serious trim, but some additional reporting as well). She thinks the jubilation will come then, when there is a tangible payoff for all of the effort.
By that time, perhaps life will be less fraught and celebrating will feel more natural.
I hope the same will be true for my mom, whose birthday was today. She wasn't up for celebrating either, so the occasion passed almost completely unheralded—one more rain check to be cashed down the road.
The two of us had a quiet dinner together after visiting hours ended. It wasn't a celebration, but it was at least a bit of a respite.
And both of us were up for that.
Still, handing it in turned out to be almost completely anticlimactic. I was expecting a surge of victory or a wave of relief or some other kind of onrushing emotion, but none of that happened. No jubilation, nothing.
Perhaps that big release is absent because the master's project is a major milestone on the path to graduation—something that is no longer quite within sight. The achievement is no less real, but to have the gratification deferred—again—robs it of some of its immediate meaning.
I'm proud of the 9,000-word piece, and my adviser is optimistic that I'll be able to publish it once I do a little more work (mainly a serious trim, but some additional reporting as well). She thinks the jubilation will come then, when there is a tangible payoff for all of the effort.
By that time, perhaps life will be less fraught and celebrating will feel more natural.
I hope the same will be true for my mom, whose birthday was today. She wasn't up for celebrating either, so the occasion passed almost completely unheralded—one more rain check to be cashed down the road.
The two of us had a quiet dinner together after visiting hours ended. It wasn't a celebration, but it was at least a bit of a respite.
And both of us were up for that.
posted by Jody Rosen Knower at 6:52 PM
1 Comments:
Jody!
Happy Birthday to your Mom, congratulations to you for your 9,000 word 'marathon' and Hooray(!!!) that your Dad, though still in the hospital, is out of danger and in a better facility.
As to the J-school reality check, sometimes reality just BITES, don't it?
Hope I see you soon...
xoxo
BTW-- I'm seriously debating in my head which would be worse;
the 9,000 word thesis under such duress and deadlines, or the actual running of a marathon.
Post a Comment
<< Home