How to Help a Friend with Breast Cancer

In the past couple of weeks, I've received two different variations on the following message:

A friend/co-worker/family member of mine was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. What can I do to support her?

I've written before about what a helpless-feeling friend can do in this situation.

I've also written about how grateful I have been for the psychological respites my own friends and family provided during the most intensive parts of my diagnoses and treatment.

For those looking for more concrete, practical suggestions, I offer these:

Immediately Post-op:

• I was home for nearly three weeks after my mastectomy. The first few days were a blur (pain + pain meds), but after that my memory is that TV, movies, books, and magazines were key.
  
  Suggestion: a thoughtfully composed care package with snacks and entertainment options.


• After a mastectomy (and maybe a lumpectomy, too—I just don't know), you can't wear a bra right away. And depending on the kind of reconstruction, you can be quite uneven for a while.
  
  Suggestion: several soft camisoles. (Gap is a good source.) Camisoles are both comfy and good for layering/camouflage purposes.


• Flowers are always nice.
  
  Suggestion: Choose an arrangement that isn't overpoweringly fragrant or super-heavy. (Lifting is out of the question for a while.)


• Shopping and cooking can be challenging.
  
  Suggestion: Arrange to have dinner delivered from a nearby restaurant (especially if she has a family and traditionally does the cooking).

For Those Going Through Chemo or Radiation:

• I found it incredibly helpful to have planned rewards—things I could look forward to doing after each round of chemo or week of radiation.
  
  Suggestion: gift certificates for things she can enjoy later on—movie or theater tickets; a gift certificate to a spa or restaurant.


• If it's a dear friend who lives far away, time together is priceless.
  
  Suggestion: a visit from you (but don't spring this on her—ask first) or a plane ticket for her to come see you as soon as she is able.

Anytime:

• Just knowing that I was in people's thoughts was a pretty powerful tonic. Hearing that I was in their prayers was always humbling. (I don't pray myself, so I did feel awkward about it at first. Then I realized that it was an expression of love, something I was very comfortable receiving.)
  
  Suggestion: Just let her know you're supporting her, in whatever way feels comfortable to you. A thoughtful card or note is always a lovely thing to send. If she happens to be writing a blog, you might check in on it once in a while and leave a comment or sign the guest book if you are so moved.

I hope these are helpful. Of course, most would apply just as well to any other kind of illness or crisis.

If you have other suggestions, please leave them in the comments for those who find their way here down the line. . . .